Grace, Trust, and Forgiveness

I need to be at work at 7 this morning, and need to take Josh to the airport at 9:30, and need to be packed and ready to leave work with the boys and everything I need for a vacation Bible school (VBS) for an unknown number of Egyptian-American kids at 2:30. But still I felt compelled to take a couple of minutes to type out a short post.

I've been up since 2 or so -- but went to bed at 10; so I did get some sleep. But since I've been up (working on work, housework, and the VBS) I've been thinking as I work about GRACE.

We still have a God Who forgives us each day, and calls on us (COMMANDS US) to forgive each other. And part of that grace that He extends to us -- and that we must extend to each other -- is to re-entrust each of us with all the responsibilites and gifts that He had entrusted us with yesterday and that we did a mixed job of stewarding. Yet He grows us and loves us and forgives us and trains us and pushes us right back at our jobs and friends and children and church . . . and commands us to LOVE each other, all over again.

So today I am committed to forgiving -- the stuff I know I need to forgive, the stuff I don't really know about yet but will jump out and hurt me eventually, the stuff I think I need to forgive but I don't really know all the facts, and the stuff that I'll never know but nonetheless steals something precious from all of us -- and re-engaging those I have to forgive.

And today I am committed to asking your forgiveness -- for the stuff I know I need to be forgiven for, for the stuff I don't really know about yet but will jump out and hurt me and/or you eventually, for the stuff you think I need to be forgiven for but don't really know all the facts, and for the stuff that I'll never know but nonetheless steals something precious from all of us -- and asking you to re-engage me as an evidence of real forgiveness.

I am so grateful to God for the model of authentic repentence, forgiveness, and restoration that He displays over and over again in the stories of scripture . . . in both the BIG story of scripture and in all the little ones.

And I am so grateful to God that the same grace is available to you and to me as we walk through our individual stories, and to the church as we walk through our mutual story.

Love never fails.

Presbymeme II

Bruce Reyes-Chow tagged me in this meme; so here are the rules and questions, and then my response . . .

The Rules // Presbymeme II

** in about 25 words each, answer the following five questions;
** tag five presbyterian bloggers and send them a note to let them know they were tagged;
** be sure to link to this original post ,
** leave a comment or send a trackback to this post so others can find you;

The Questions // Presbymeme II //

1) What is your favorite faith-based hymn, song or chorus.
2) What was the context, content and/or topic of the last sermon that truly touched, convicted, inspired, challenged, comforted and/or otherwise moved you?
3) If you could have all Presbyterians read just one of your previous posts, what would it be and why?
4) What are three PC(USA) flavored blogs you read on a regular basis?
5) If the PC(USA) were a movie, what would it be and why?

My answers:

1) What is your favorite faith-based hymn, song or chorus?:

I have been really into Hillsong United and Hillsong Australia recently . . . but in spite of the fact that that's what I've been playing on my ipod when I want to worship, I still have to say that the hymn "Come Thou Fount" is my lasting favorite. It unites me with all the other grateful sinners who know how much they need grace every single day!

2) What was the context, content and/or topic of the last sermon that truly touched, convicted, inspired, challenged, comforted and/or otherwise moved you?:

It was a sermon on putting feet to loving the enemies that surround us in our congregations and in our lives. We all can say the right words about showing that we really follow Jesus by loving the stranger and our enemy as well as our brothers . . . but to give us a call to truly do that in practical ways in our real-life situations is actually pretty radical. Too bad my enemies didn't hear the same sermon. (Joke!)

3) If you could have all Presbyterians read just one of your previous posts, what would it be and why?:

My husband just suggested I answer this one by creating a non-existent post title, so that you'd all search through all my posts looking . . . But my honest answer here is the post from 11.17.07 entitled Fear and Disillusionment.

4) What are three PC(USA) flavored blogs you read on a regular basis?:

I read many, but three worth noting are Carol Howard Merritt's Tribal Church ; Jim Bonewald's The Church Geek; and Neal Locke's Mr. Locke's Classroom .

5) If the PC(USA) were a movie, what would it be and why?:

Right now, I'd pick Steve Martin's "Parenthood" from the late 80s . . . because we are one very screwed up family, but we do love each other and need each other, and God is moving our story toward reconciliation and joy and new life.

Okay, now for the people I'll tag . . .

I'll start with the three bloggers I named already (Carol Howard Merritt's Tribal Church ; Jim Bonewald's The Church Geek; and Neal Locke's Mr. Locke's Classroom) and add Ryan Kemp-Pappan's The Fettered Heart and Shawn Coons' I, geekrev.

Rejoice!

Just a "micro-post" today . . .

The story for each of us . . . and all the little stories in which we find ourselves a part . . . is not over until we go through the grave to the bodily resurrection that our faith promises us. We have that new heaven and new earth . . . and new body . . . and new community of mutual knowledge of TRUTH and mutual power to really walk it the TRUTH . . . and our Jesus, face-to-face!

THAT is hope!

His Agenda and Peace

I have been noticing how many of us (myself included) can be easily lured into an investment in some sort of control struggle! We start out being "after" some goal or agenda that is good and -- at least in our own eyes -- for everyone's benefit . . . and then get locked into a battle, and forget the "good" goal, and focus on getting our own way. Those who oppose us become "evil" and our fight against them becomes "just". Yikes!

For me, it is much easier to recognize this dynamic when it is someone else who has labeled me as "evil" and who is willing to treat me as a non-person who is in the way of their "good" agenda . . . but I do see that I do the same thing. It just takes me longer to recognize, and I am less comfortable than some with labeling anyone anything negative. But make me mad . . . . and suddenly you are obviously deluded or deranged in some way and I need to win that battle. (You never do that, do you?)

But God has His own agendas, and He will accomplish them without labeling any of us and without any manipulating or control struggles. He knows where He has drawn lines of responsibility and authority, and He knows how He has "made things work"!

And He can even bring peace and joy to us, and resolve our major and minor control struggles! And He will!

He calls upon us to forgive each other. That requires us to drop labels we create for each other and treat one another as real persons and not as objects in a strategy game.

He calls upon us to listen to each other, and to practice real love and affection for each other.

He calls upon us to consider our walk together as more important than individual accomplishment of plans and goals, or even than corporate accomplishment of plans and goals!

If (as Jim Birchfield recently preached) spiritual power is synonymous with real agape love, then we must be more conscious of being loving than of any other goal if we want to be "on God's side".

And the more we stay "on God's side" in that sense (as opposed to being "right" or "pure" or "just" to be "on God's side") the more we are useful to Him in accomplishing real change in each of us and in our community of faith and in the world!

And the more we practice the real power of that real agape love, the more we find that we have peaceful, joyful lives!

Our God is indeed "mighty to save"!

I have been thinking . . .

Anyone who knows me knows that I never stop processing life and twisting my logical constructs into new shapes as I have new experiences and meet new people and read and see new things . . .

And so I have months of getting caught up if I were to try to post all of those journeys of thought and belief!

But the bottom line is still the same: I am determined to practice daily obedience to the TRUTH, which I still believe to be found in the Triune God and perfectly revealed to us in the person of Jesus Christ. And I have found that He still lives -- very literally, in His resurrected body in the presence of the Father. I have also found that He makes Himself and His Kingdom known among us everywhere, if we learn to listen and take action when we are called to action, and if we are willing to know the TRUTH as He reveals it, and to be transformed by that TRUTH as His Spirit acts deliberately in us and through us -- individually and together as the CHURCH.

So, having reaffirmed that basic core to Maria, and having disclaimed the ability to write out all my journey of thought and belief within that core . . .

I will use this post to catch up on daily life.

I have spent this week driving down from Forest Home to home and work each morning and back each afternoon. My mother is there with my 2 littlest boys. It has been a good week, both at work and with them at Forest Home. Next year I hope to do what I did last year, and spend week 7 of family camp in a true retreat with those 2 little boys! And I hope to do that every year that they are young enough to be in one of the camps there.

I am still working at my husband's company, and learning the things in that that God needs to teach me right now. It is hard. It is spiritually challenging. It is satisfying in some ways, and frustrating in others. It is my time to integrate my spiritual journey with my work-life as it was before I quit my job at Fremont in 2004, and to integrate my home life and life at church together with that secular life. I am not sure whether it will all end badly or well, and I am not sure of all the lessons to be learned, and I am not sure where God is taking me in terms of career and school. I am sure that I am authentically learning to practice daily obedience in all things, and I am sure that He is in control of all of it . . . even of me.

My son Michael is wrapping up his time as a summer associate at the law firm he chose, and will finish his last year of law school this year and be back to live with us next year as he studies for the bar, and then off to the rest of his adult life.

My son Josh is a college grad with an engineering degree, and works here as the mechanical engineer at Anderson Bat Company. He lives with us, too, which is delightful so far. He is welcome until life takes him down a different path. He is settled in until God directs him elsewhere, and has a rich spiritual life.

Tyler and Cody are teens and are difficult now, but more difficult for their dad than for me. I pray for them and tolerate what I have to tolerate and love all there is to love and admire.

Noah and Brooks are the constant subject of my posts and pictures, and are a delight. They seem to like life with me working for their dad. They like having Josh home as a "permanent" member of the household. They are my most active disciples, and my most important responsibility.

I am busy at church too, and with friends, and with our never-ending remodel of our home. I have piles of books that call me, and music available at the click of a mouse or click wheel. I love web 2.0 stuff, and so you will find daily updates on my life on twitter or brightkite or facebook.

One of the greatest challenges to authentic discipleship is to spend my time and attention on the things that the Holy Spirit would motivate me to spend it on, and to develop discernment to see which of my interests and passions are motivated and blessed by Him, which are not, and which simply require moderation to add to the Kingdom life rather than to detract from it or injure it.

Life is good! God is good, all the time! And authentic discipleship frees me up to experience life and God and you in the ways that are most fulfilling to us all.

One more day . . .